Hidan's Happy Ending
by ReaperDuckling
Summary: Hidan was seriously fucking tired of the sound of his own thoughts. Part of the Happy Ending Series


**AN: **This was originally part of a reeeeeaaaally long one-shot called Happy Ending. Because it was so long though, no one read it, so I decided to split it into eleven different pieces and make a series out of it instead. :)  
Anyway, I hope you like it! This is one of my favorites! :D

**Warnings: **Excessive use of the f-word

* * *

_**~25**__**th**__** of August~**_

Hidan was seriously fucking tired of the sound of his own thoughts.

He was tired of the taste of dirt in his mouth; tired of the annoying ass maggots that kept trying to dig in to him through his ears, his nostrils and his throat; tired of the darkness.

During his time in the ground he'd tried to amuse himself by thinking of all the things he'd do once he got his body back; he'd sacrifice that brat Shikamaru as slowly and painfully as possible to the good lord Jasshin, he'd roast those fucking deer's up on the surface over a fire and eat them with some rice and a good bottle of sake and (most importantly) he'd take a long, hot bath with one shitload of bubbles and a bunch of different, flowery smelling oils that Kakuzu always told him weren't only gay but also stupid and expensive.

That had never stopped him from joining though, Hidan used to think and smirk.

But these kind of pleasurable fantasies where only satisfying for a short while – by now they had become nothing but an annoyance - whenever they came to mind his head would feel like it would explode from anger and he'd try to _**eat **_his way up, even though he wasn't even sure which way was what nowadays.

Sometimes he'd try to scream or curse, only to end up choking on the dirt.

Other times he'd just wish that he would die already – being an immortal had lost its fun.

That's why, when one day he opened his eyes to find light shining down on him, his first thought was that Jasshin had finally granted him his prayer and that he was dead.

Pure, raw happiness washed through him, making the corner of his eyes prickle with tears and a smile form on his lips – and then someone dragged him up by the hair painfully, bringing him back to reality.

"OOOOOOUCH!" he screamed, blinking the tears and the light from his eyes. "NOT THE HAIR YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

He opened them to find himself staring at the smirking face of Kakuzu.

"What? You want me to put you back in there?" The raven nodded towards the hole in the ground, making Hidan grimace.

"Never!"

"Then stop complaining! Do you know how annoying it was to even find you?! How much money I've spent on bribing people and torture equipment for when the bribing wasn't enough?! I missed the chance of capturing a chick worth 40 000 yen because of you! She just walked right passed me but I…"

"I get it, I get it! Stop with the fucking complaints, _**I'm **_the one that should be complaining! I've been in a hole in the ground for like… A YEAR!"

"Four months."

"What took you so long?!"

"That Kabuto kid and his stupid reincarnation jutsu…" Kakuzu frowned sullenly. "…he moved my body, the little shit. Made the sixth heart all confused. I was dead for a pretty long time before it reached me."

They grew silent, Kakuzu looking into the forest, Hidan looking at him.

"What did you do with those deer's by the way?"

"The bambis?" The older male turned back to him and gave the blond a smile. "I killed them and got them ready for dinner of course! I figured you'd be hungry after only eating maggots and dirt for four months – and they were free!"

Hidan smiled right back at him, feeling his non existing heart go to mush in his non existing chest.

"I love you."  
Kakuzu only chuckled, then raised the head up to give Hidan a quick peck on the lips.

"I know."

The blond grimaced.

"You taste like a dead person."

"Well you've got crushed maggots between your teeth."

He sighed.

"I really need a toothbrush… and a bath."

"Already got one prepared for you back at the inn."

"You got us a room at an inn?"

"Yeah well… I had a coupon."

"Kiss me again!"

"No! There's frikkin maggots between your teeth!"

"I don't fucking care! You're being romantic and I want to kiss you!"

"If you don't stop talking bullshit then I'm putting you in the bag!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me."

"I swear to Jasshin Kakuzu, if you put me in that bag I'm gonna bite your fucking head off!"

"And in you go…"

"KAKUZU YOU ASSHOLE!"

He traveled to the inn inside of Kakuzu's bag, muttering foully about the darkness, but if anyone in the small village they entered wondered about the strange sounding bag that the strange looking man was carrying, no one dared ask.

Once in the hotel room, Kakuzu stitched Hidan's head onto a body that wasn't originally his, but that looked and felt kind of like it.

When Hidan asked him where he'd gotten it though, the dark haired male only muttered "at a high price" and he knew to leave it alone.

And then the two went into the bathroom, in which a _**huge **_bathtub was standing, smelling like a variety of different flowers and filled with steaming hot water and a shitload of bubbles.

Without second thought, Hidan dropped into it and instantly relaxed – feeling somewhat clean again for the first time in too many months.

He brushed his teeth until they were so white they sparkled, scrubbed his limbs until they almost hurt, and embraced Kakuzu in a suffocating hug once the dark skinned man had climbed down into the bathtub to join him.

_Finally… _Hidan thought as he blew some foam out of his lover's hair. _…I've got my bubbles. _


End file.
